I guess it's about time...

I've avoided putting this on my blog for awhile now. It is very personal, and has been a big adjustment and change in our lives. I don't want to be judged, but I also don't want people to be sad for me because I am definitely not. But I need to share it because this is my journal and its an important part of my journey. Our family's journey. I'm also not ashamed of it and it may decrease any future awkwardness that could come up if people know. I'm not going to get into too much detail but you are always welcome to private message me if you have any questions or need to know more. With all that being said, here it goes...my family has left organized religion.

Ryan and I have been members of the Mormon church our whole lives. I lived most of my life with a strong testimony and love for the Gospel but in recent years it has brought me sadness, confusion, frustration and hasn't been bringing the peace in my life that it once did. This isn't just a whim or me giving up or being lazy. This has been years of struggle and confusion. I'm talking 5 years at least, probably even a little more. I spent a lot of time doing everything I was supposed to...reading my scriptures, praying, going to church etc, basically "faking it till you make it" but the peace just never came. I was dealing with depression, lots of headache's and I mostly just wanted to hide from the world. There was just too much that didn't jive well with me, and that didn't add up and make sense. Being a parent and wife changed the way I saw things. Losing my Mom brought up a lot of questions and concerns that the Gospel just couldn't answer or bring comfort. Once I allowed myself to let go of these beliefs and distance myself from the religion, I started to feel this amazing peace and happiness in my life. The depression left and I rarely ever get headache's anymore. I have this new zest for life, this new desire to take care of myself and get the most out of life. I am not saying that religion is bad or doesn't bring happiness. I know so many wonderful people in the Mormon church and in other religions who find so much happiness and joy in their religion, and I am genuinely happy for them. It just isn't for me. It wasn't bringing me happiness and peace. We are all unique and made so differently, we all have different experiences, and our minds and hearts work differently. What works for one might not work for another. The thing that I think is dangerous is this idea that there is only ONE real and true way to God. ONE way that is the best. There are so many religions that believe this and feel the same passion and spirit for their church and their beliefs. I don't believe one is the right path for everyone. There are so many religions that bring people closer to God and bring them peace and that is fantastic. For my health and sanity I had to take a step back from organized religion and to be honest, I don't really know what I believe about God anymore. But that is a journey that am on now and will spend my life searching and trying to make sense of it all. And that actually really excites me.

So...we don't go to church anymore, I don't have a calling, I don't wear garments, and I am extremely happy. I love and have mad respect for each of you. I have amazing family and friends and so much love and support in my life.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

I guess that wasn't so hard :)